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leastconcern in any_bodied_men

Funny Predicament

So, I recently had to deal with a few things. I haven't posted here in a while so I will give a quick recap of moi:

Dani, 20, in polyamory triad relationship with two individuals, another FTM and a genderqueer bio/cismale.

I have many friends in the LGB (no T mix sometimes in Boston/South coast) and I was going over my wishlist with some buddies on amazon and they saw the double male symbol (for gay couples) and mentioned I wish they had three male symbols to signify my trilationship (haha, get it, tri(3)-lationship?), and one of my gay male friends was somewhat offended and started talking about how it's almost like cultural misappropriation for me, a still bio-female (though FTM) to be "parading around" with that, and that other people (specifically straight, in his view) would be confused and not understand and might misrepresent the gay community because of it. Initially, I was agreeing with this, and then I realized that he himself may be facing his own transphobia issues in that, "You can't claim the benefits of being in my label, because you physically don't match the criteria." and it hasn't been the first time with him.

So my question is, have any of you also faced situations similar to mine, in that the gay community doesn't quite find it ready to let yourself identify as you are?

Crossposted in several places;trannyfags  , femme_ftm , and here.


Plenty, in my own mind. I can't transition at all, so somehow, I don't think the gay community would take kindly to this Barbie doll walking in and going, "HAI IM A GAY GUY! :D"

Yeah, no.
The hilarious thing I get because I'm already so damn butch is gay men asking me to admit I'm a bulldyke already. Either that or calling my masculinity "fake*" (which it isn't- it was very offputting to straight men when I lived as a straight girl).

The same gay men said they disliked drag kings for this very reason.
I've gotten this from some gay guys, typically the ones who were cool with a dyke-ID'd person transitioning but freaked when they realized that my orientation had changed too. The "physically matching the criteria" argument is, to my mind, utter bullshit. I always wonder who's next on that list- XY guys with intersex conditions like hypospadias? Men in wheelchairs? Men who weigh more than a certain number of kilos? Men with dicks under five and a half inches?