This is a community designated for FTMs, MTMs, trans guys, trans men, guys with a transsexual history, genderqueer female-bodied people, birls, (add your own identity here) and those non-trans men who love them. Of course, trans guys and birls are not at all the same thing, but this community will serve the entire spectrum of people born female-bodied, but ID as something else.
Its primary goal is providing a safe place for FTMs to interact with non-trans men who appreciate and accept their bodies as are, with or without alterations.
The reason this community is about relationships/interactions between FTMs and non-trans men only is because it is a situation that has distinct characteristics. It seems FTM + non-trans male relationships have different circumstances that arise that are not addressed in other gay guy communities -- disclosure, different genitalia, body discomfort, changing identity, etc.
To non-trans men: It is not mandatory that you identify as gay to be here. You can be gay, bi, pansexual, or anything similar -- even straight and happen to find yourself suddenly dating a trans guy and liking it. Some straight men have female-assigned partners that decide to begin transition. These straight guys are as welcome here as the queer ones.
You can meet friends, partners, bring up social/emotional/political topics for discussion, seek or give advice, post pictures of yourself or you and a boyfriend, and generally feel at home.
Please note that membership is now moderated. If you are new to the community you must either A) send an email to one of the moderators explaining how you identify and why you are here, or B) create a community post explaining how you identify and why you are here. This rule is in place in order to prevent trolling of the community, and to create a safe, effective space for all involved. Thank you.
1) No personal attacks on others. 2) Please speak from your own experiences and avoid speaking for others. 3) Constructive criticism of something that someone else says is fine; flat-out insulting someone is not. 4) Transphobia of any kind will not be tolerated here, nor will prejudice against any generalized group of people (i.e. homophobia/heterosexism, racism, classism, sexism, etc.) 5) Posts that are greatly off-topic or that advertise irrelevant communities will be removed. 6) Posts or comments that contain blatant hate speech will be removed. Individuals who post hate speech will be warned twice, and on the third occasion will be banned. Additionally, the need for everyone to feel respected and supported is more important here than the need for someone to try to be funny by making fun of others, whether directly or indirectly. Comments or posts that serve no purpose but to make fun of others will be treated as hate speech.
Although it is obvious that transphobia and homophobia/biphobia will not permitted here, neither will many other acts of oppression. The following values will be enforced:
Sexism = Prejudice + Power Both institutions and individuals can be sexist. Sexism can be as plain as the belief that women shouldn't be educated; or as complex as the array of stereotypes, attitudes, and power inequalities that perpetuate rape culture. None of this is acceptable.
We do not recognize "reverse" sexism (i.e. the idea that women are capable of acting thinking in a sexist manner toward men). The reason for this is that women do not, as a group, hold privilege or institutional power over men. While women may be individually prejudiced against men, and may even act against them, it is an instance of prejudice, not sexism.
Sexist Language Sexist and misogynistic language is not welcome in this community. Gendered slurs - words traditionally used against women, such as "bitch" or "slut" - are acceptable ONLY in a reclamatory sense. Using them to degrade women is not cool. Additionally, condescending terms of "endearment," like "honey" or "sweetie" are also frowned upon. These words are frequently used to demean participants in debates, and we ask that members think about their intent before using them.
Victim/Survivor Blaming Victims and survivors are not to blame for their trauma, whatever they did or did not do. The response of a victim/survivor to hir trauma should not be used to invalidate their situation. The responsibility for a crime belongs to the criminal, not the victim/survivor. Period.
Racism = Prejudice + Power Racism can be institutional or individual.
In the West, the institutional power generally belongs to white people. And just as men benefit from male privilege, white people benefit from white privilege. This can be difficult to accept. There is a certain tendency, particularly in America, to view ourselves as "colorblind." That, in and of itself, is a privileged idea. White people may ignore the effects of race, but people of color are faced with them every day. The 'playing field' is not level.
We recognize that there are parts of the world in which white people do not hold institutional power, and that there are parts of the world in which white people do not live. It is important to note that institutional power is a major force in racism, and to understand the histories of colonialism and imperialism that may impact non-white racism. That said, racism in one part of the world does not excuse racism in another part. IE, if people in Country X are racist toward people from Country Y, it does not justify or mitigate people in Country Y being racist toward people from Country X.
Reverse Racism Reverse racism is not a valid concept. Those who do not wield institutional power cannot be racist, although they may be prejudiced or discriminatory.
Racist Language Racial slurs will not be tolerated. Statements that imply that marginalized people are to blame for the effects of racism are similarly unacceptable. This is victim-blaming, pure and simple.
Classism and Classist Language Classism and classist language is not acceptable. Classism is any form of prejudice or oppression toward people who are in or are perceived to be like those who are in a lower social class, especially a lower socioeconomic class, within a class society. Do not assume that others have had the same experiences and opportunities you have had, including but not limited to money, social status based on money, education opportunities, employment opportunities, health care, reproductive rights, etc.
Ableist language is not acceptable.
Ageist lanuage is not acceptable.
Reclamation: The community supports the reclaiming of language by the people it has been used against, and consideration will be given to this type of usage.
MOD NOTES, MOD WARNINGS, AND MOD BANS
• Mod note: A mod note may be the precursor to a warning, or just a note to a member or the community in an official capacity.
• Mod warning: Notice of a rule violation. Three mod warnings means your activity in the community will be under review by the mods.
• Temporary ban: Member's posting access is removed for 1 week to 2 weeks depending on the situation. If the member continues to break the rules after their posting access has been reinstated, this means permanent membership will be under review.
• Permanent ban: Member is removed from the community because of continued rule violation. The moderation team reserves the right to ban at their discretion.
My name is Dylan. My personal LJ name is daddysambiguity and I write regularly. Feel free to friend me! I am 25, mostly gay, post-op, and engaged to marry (legally!) my male boyfriend of four years. I can be e-mailed at firstname.lastname@example.org
We now have additional co-mod maintainers willing to invest their time into the community:
If any problems arise in the community and you would like to discuss it, please feel free to contact any of us and tells us about it. Also feel welcome to contact us with any community suggestions or questions that may occur to you regarding the forum.