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misterhyde_ in any_bodied_men

I don't know where to post it so I`ve decided to post here my question.

I still want to hear about non -op. gay transmen who are happily in couple with a cisguy. Even at three years on T, I struggle a lot with the francophone gay world.
Do you wait that the guy know more about you before disclosing?
I`ve been telling right away and guys are like... tossing me right away...

As well, I want to know if there's gay single transmen with a metaido and how they deal with it and the gay world.
thanks,
E.

Comments

Dear E:

You may want to clarify whether by non-op you mean no surg at all or just top surg.

I waited 7-8 years before having top surg. I was in a relationship with another transman, but we had/have an open relationship and tricked with non-transmen. Some guys had issues, others didn't. It was challenging, but not undoable.

The fact of the matter is that hooking up requires a lot more conversation than for non-transmen. In a bar situation whether to tell right away is not an option. While it doesn't have to be the first or seventh thing to come out of your mouth, the window of opportunity is shorter than someone you'll see at an event from time to time.

That being said it has gotten easier to negotiate the longer I'm on T and I'm hitting year 19 pretty soon. Of course I look like bigfoot, only shorter.

Had a free up a couple of years ago. That's metoidioplasty without the scrotoplasty. Not single, but again, I have that open relationship. The guys that I've tricked with (and I use that word loosely to include friends with benefits) have been happy that they didn't need to worry about a gag reflex. I had some length before surgery and as a result have been able to penetrate most partners.

I'm not going to sugar coat this - it is difficult to be a transman within a rather phallocentric segment of the world. The thing is to be comfortable with who you are and what you want and to learn to cope with rejection. Men reject each other for a wide variety of reasons. The trick is to learn that it's not about you and a "no" is simply an opportunity for someone else to say "yes".

Life's too short for bad sex.
I have had top surgery but not bottom surgery. I usually disclose up front when I'm looking for a hookup, and a lot of guys disregard me right away just like they do with you. I have a manhunt account, and most of the interest I get on there goes away when I come out to whoever is messaging me. However, I do occasionally find some people who are okay with it. I kind of find that "older" guys (I'm 20 so that means 30+) are sometimes more receptive. I'm not sure if its because I'm 20 and the next biggest factor in attractiveness in the mainstream gay world is your age or if they really just don't care.

I'm not in a relationship right now, but I have had several good relationships with cis-men. The guys I dated were very understanding of my body and what I wanted and didn't want, and they never had problems being aroused or anything like that. I used to not like "front hole" penetration, but even now that I do, the guys I hook up with don't really care. Some do take issue, but it is a fault on their part rather than mine. I'm not sure I even really want to say fault either. All of the relationships I've been in with cis-men have been a product of my up-front disclosure. If a guy is willing to learn, or doesn't care right away, it means your relationship will probably run along more smoothly IMO. In my experiences, its hard enough to deal with my body myself sometimes, that having to "coax" or help someone who has a rather averse initial reaction to my body into liking my body is tiring and mildly depressing. If the guy is just confused or curious, I can deal with that.

But yeah, a lot of non-trans gay men are obsessed with penis, and if you don't have one its a deal breaker. You may even get some guys who accuse you of being a woman. Just try to ignore them the best that you can. You will eventually find someone who doesn't really care about it, or they may even like it.
If you meet the right guy, chances are he'll accept you.

It seems as if you're hitting up the wrong men. Maybe bisexual men would be more receptive? That's been my experience.

The guys I've kind of "been" with are all my friends and already know about my situation. If they don't want me, fuck 'em. I'm too good for them anyways.